해커스토익스피킹 점수예측서비스 Q11 첨삭부탁드립니다.

Q11. 일에서 가장 중요한 것은 돈인가

I believe that the most important aspect of
a job is the money a person earns.

because one First of all, I believe that the salary represents one’s
status in a firm.  

The more money a person makes at his or her job means that,
correlates with climbing the corporate ladder.

second, people have to pay bills such as
mortgage, or rent, or car or house mortgage, and basic bills, and
living expenses.

Third, if they want to start a family, they
need to have money as well to provide for the family.

->
좋습니다.

four, Finally, I don't believe
that people would prefer to take a lot less money for better, happier jobs.

[또는 Finally, I haven’t seen anyone around me
that has changed his/her job for less money]

These are the reasons why
I think that the most important aspect of a job is the money a person earns.