- 2017.01.13




안녕하세요. 영어 고수님들
영어 에세이에서 틀린 문법 첨삭 부탁드려요.
처음 써보는 문장들이라 정말 엉망일 것으로 예상됩니다. ㅠㅠ
시간 내주시면, 정말 감사합니다.
Topic
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Money can buy happiness. Use reasons and examples to support your answer.
The debate over whether or not money can buy happiness is a very contentious one. while some people believe that issue, others think otherwise. I agree with the former contention, and my reason are as follows;
Based on my viewpoint, I find encouragements in the judgement that Money can buy happiness in modern society. There is the existence of a kind of happiness which can not be purchased by money, however, I am of the same mind with the aforementioned principle for the reason is that the fact is obvious that money is an effective means of life to pay for goods, service which is we want or to achieve our goals.
Most importantly, we enjoy the happiness as doing what we eager through buying goods or service by money. For example, in my case, I am staying in coffeeshop everyday to focus on my work. coffeeshop offer excellent environment for me to work happily. Money make us be possible to do what we want. Finally, we buy happiness by money.
For another, we can take advantage of money to get the opportunity. it includes many kinds of things like education, travel, medical care, social relationship and so on in our life. Money is directly link to makes our each life happier.
Therefore, in my opinion. It is impossible to buy all kinds of happiness, however, money is the reasonable and effective means to accomplish our purpose. I believe that we can live a satisfying and happy life, as using money wisely well.
감사합니다. ㅠㅠ
댓글 2개| debate 답글 | ||
The debate over whether or not money can buy happiness is a very contentious one. while some people believe that issue, others think otherwise. I agree with the former contention, and my reason are as follows; Based on my viewpoint, I find encouragements in the judgement that Money can buy happiness in modern society. There is the existence of a kind of happiness which can not be purchased by money. ** However, I am of the same mind with the aforementioned principle for the reason is that the fact is obvious that money is an effective means of life to pay for goods, service which is we want or to achieve our goals. -> However 부터 문장까지의 길이가 너무 길어서 어순이꼬이네여 ㅜ.ㅜ 중간중간에 짜르셔야할것같아용 ▼▼ -> "However, I am of the same mind with the aforementioned principle which is obvious that money is an effective means of life to pay for goods and services which we want. " ** Most importantly, we enjoy the happiness as doing what we eager through buying goods or service by money. -> "Most importantly, we enjoy happiness by doing what we are eager to do, through buying goods or nice services we can be served." For example, in my case, I am staying in coffeeshop everyday to focus on my work. coffeeshop offer excellent environment for me to work happily. -> coffee shop + 단수동사 (offer"s") Money make us be possible to do what we want. Finally, we buy happiness by money. -> "Money can make us do what we want. Consequently, we do buy happiness by money" For another, -> "Moreover," we can take advantage of money to get the opportunity. -> " One of the advantages of money is that we can get an opportunity." it includes many kinds of things like education, travel, medical care, social relationship and so on in our life. Money is directly link to makes our each life happier. ->" Money is a direct way to make our life happier." Therefore, in my opinion. It is impossible to buy all kinds of happiness. However, money is the reasonable and effective means to accomplish our purpose. I believe that we can live a satisfying and happy life, as using money wisely well. -> ~and happy life, by using our money wisely. | ||

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